The place I was living,
my metaphorical house
(body, spirit, self, mind, external world)
came down.
Beyond repair.
Working on yourself to heal and do better is like taking inventory. You first work with what you already know. Layers like onions, peeling back one at a time in a non attached, curious, patient way. Because when you meet a layer you didn’t know about, you treat it with kindness, investigate it, figure out the best way to unravel, how to set that part free.
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Accepting where you’re at is tender, but that softening brings you back to the moment and into your body. When we want something to be different than it is we miss out on our lives. Wanting uncomfortable feelings to pass, or waiting for a moment in the future, is wishing your life away.
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Rising from a place of destruction, preparing to face things you’d rather not, is like gathering every possible tool for your toolbelt, ready for excavation.
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Sometimes what gets treated as self care is actually just basic needs; food, rest, sleep, water, play, love. When basic needs get set aside for the pursuit of achieving a goal or external mission, break down starts to happen.
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I always expect healing to be a straight trajectory. But it isn't. Taking two steps forward then one back still means you’re taking steps, even if they’re one at a time or sideways. Although it kind of sucks, deep healing is probably essential if we genuinely want to change, to be better for ourselves, everyone else, and the planet.
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And these things; the ways we hold on, grasp and tighten, are what get in the way of connection, compassion and love; with ourselves, with others, with our body or breath, and gratitude for beauty in the present moment.
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